I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing I suspect my soul must look an awful lot like an improvised mummy, what with all the duct tape holding me together. Unfortunately, it seems the sticky sturdiness has been slacking somewhat lately; a few corners having come loose here and there, making me crack. It is early … More Crackin’ Up
When things go horrible, I imagine that’ll never end. But when things go great, I fear the inevitable decline in happiness is lurking around every corner I turn. The last few weeks have been busy, but good. Did I say good? I meant great! I started my new job and am loving every minute of … More Weekly Loss | Having A Dip
My feet are freezing, my hands are nervously clutching the steering wheel of my poor, old yet still functioning and trustworthy car, and I gaze outside. An older lady’s third attempt to exit her car finally proves successful. To my right there is a man opening up his fish wagon – everybody here loves a … More Standing Still While Going Places
With only twenty minutes to pen down my final suspicions, I have zero time to worry about my turning-more-illegible-by-the-second handwriting. They’re just going to have to figure it out, much like I had to before grabbing hold of this pen – a gift that I’ll cherish for the rest of my life, if only because … More Weekly Loss | Murderous Mind Games
Waiting. Is there any more devastatingly horrendous way to kill time? As happens so very often in my strange brain, a well-known song immediately kicks in. I’ve been watching My phone, my emails and personal texts. I’ve been checking my professional email address and my old skool regular mail. You know, the stuff that comes … More In The Shadows Of My Loser Life
Today cannot end soon enough. That’s the main thought occupying my mind at the moment. At work, I think I’ve dropped everything there was to drop, from (thank goodness no fragile) parcels, to scissors, scanners, money, receipts and keys. It’s a miracle I didn’t break anything – that includes my own neck, considering I also … More Weekly Loss | Blue Friday
I heave a massive sigh and reach for another tissue. Only two this time, not too bad, I catch myself thinking. Despite my tears, I feel the beginnings of a smile reach the outskirts of my lips. Humour. My magic weapon. If I can laugh, I know I’ll be alright. I blow my nose loudly … More Weekly Loss | Holiday Outings
This week I’ve done the unimaginable. I said NO. Twice. Yesterday was The Day for No No.1 (see what I did there? I’m so clever 😉). Despite all the doom scenarios that had been brooding and multiplying in my head over the past week, the final result was completely unexpected when I told my client … More No No No.1
Remember this guy? Well, where we were bumping heads before, we are now bumping butts. Literally, as that’s one of the physical rapprochements he’s been executing on me lately. What happened?? One moment I jokingly-not-altogether-untruthfully mention being in a small room together with him makes me nauseous, the next he’s poking me jokingly-not-altogether-unkindly in the … More Weekly Loss | Flirtatious Failure
“Dear Universe, please give me an answer to ALL my questions! Show me how to fix everything that’s wrong in my life!!” Here’s what I got in reply, only a day later: No. Just. Say. No. Out of all the issues your favourite Loser Queen is facing, as it turns out, I am allergic to … More 50 Ways To Say NO
Elle Vampa 