Elle Vampa

You did not actually think I was going to stop with just one part, did you?

With the things I’ve gathered, I can write at least 4 more parts about all the Things I Don’t Understand!

(Which is exactly my plan, by the way, to fill 4 more blog posts with my gathered non-sense – pun intended.)

Anyway, let’s crack on and get to it!

Here’s 10 more things I’ve encountered in life that I simply cannot understand at all, whatsoever, indeed.

Which is nothing but a fancy way of introducing my list of Life’s Incomprehensibilities (Pt.2):

• Road works – How come I never see any workers work, yet the work gets done…? 🤷‍♀️
• Perfume and car commercials – I don’t even know where to begin… Why does that car turn into a flying vehicle that can also move underwater, while it clearly can’t in real life? How come I don’t turn gold when I spray fancy perfume on my wrists? Hello?
• Women with bloodphobia – Without making it too gory, it’s just that I wonder how they go about their lives during certain periods of the month? (I saw a pun, I could not resist, shame on me – not really though because it was funny).
• Football hooligans / fans – Okay, so you enjoy sports and support a club, I get that. You want your team to do well, I get that, too. But WHY tear down every single glass bus stop in you wake when your team loses?? And also: whut? You beat each other up all year if you can, but then there’s a European or a worldwide event and you become all buddy-buddy together? That I don’t get at all.
• My oldest sister – It’s not just the not coming home or the not wanting any contact without any reason. It’s more… her entire functioning of the brain, really. Sometimes even the things she said. It’s like she was on her own level.

• My Dad – This list stems from before he got a little… distracted. My dad and I were not always able to see eye to eye, and we hardly ever understood each other fully. So he needs to be on this list. This man is a walking mystery I kid you not. When I think he’s out for a walk he’s upstairs, when I think he’s upstairs he’s on the toilet, and when I think he’s on the toilet he’s out for a walk 🤷‍♀️ Zero clue. Zero. And then when you think he’s away doing one of those things, he suddenly pops up behind you and grunts something, making you jump in fright.
• Goatees – I am sorry to all men sporting one. It’s just… goatees raise questions, you know. Mainly: WHY? If it’s not more than 3 hairs, just don’t do it. If it’s more than 3 hairs at least keep it clean. That’s all I ask.
• Underwear that always comes out of the washing machine inside out – One time, I thought I was clever and put it into the machine already inside out, you know, thinking it’d come out good. It didn’t. I don’t understand why this happens all. the. time! 🤯
• People insisting on treating me as if I am dumb – Okay, so I’m blonde. And okay, I can actually act really dumb – you call it hair colour I call it my prerogative as a human being. But people, friends and strangers alike (although, fair enough, friends not so much), seem occasionally adamant to treat me as if my brain is incapable of all sorts of thinking. The only thing I usually don’t get from being patronised, is why.
• People insisting on trying to convert me – It doesn’t matter where I am: home, work, or on a holiday. There’s always someone asking me when the last time was I saw Jesus. Or whether I would like to meet him. Is it something on my forehead, perhaps in invisible ink, that reads: “Please convert me to your faith”? I don’t need converting, I am happy as I am, thank you 😊 To each their religion, do as you believe. That is your right and I support that. But leave me with the same respect, please.

That’s it for now. My head’s buzzing. I have so many and I still don’t understand any of them!

What are some of the most incrompehensible things you’ve encountered in your life?

Do share! ⬇️