Elle Vampa

“Do I look hungry to you?”

Unaware of the rhetorical side of my question, my Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine (ugh, I keep forgetting how I abbreviated it before and I don’t want to be inconsistent 🙈) scrutinises me.

And before I can hit her with the clou of my joke, she actually answers:

“Above all else, I’d say you look a little tired.”

I suppose that’s fair. I mean, if I hadn’t been lethargic I’d have been quicker and she’d never have gotten a word in between the start and finish of my joke.

I sigh and relent.

She goes about her measuring, but only to verify her observation: “Your values are low, no wonder you appear tired. What’s wrong?”

(At this point I realise I seem to write about nothing but my doctor’s visits… I promise there’s more to my life, really!)

I sigh and relent more. Then I confess about being more Winter-y blue and cranky than I’d like. I can’t seem to shake it off, no matter how much Taylor reminds me to.

Then I even give up relenting and confess I’ve been forgoing my diet, too.

Getting high on sugar is far too easy when you’re low on happy.

She combines “Pick up your diet, it’s best for you” with an understanding nod.

I see an opening – hah! – and resuscitate my joke: “I’d love to, but people keep assuming I’m hungry. They won’t stop feeding me cake! Twice in two weeks now, to thank me.”

“Don’t eat it. It’s not good for you.”

…

Before my pride crumbles under the weight of a failed joke, she laughs: “But you’re funny. I like that.”

So here’s my lesson of the week: don’t eat cake, eat bad habits. Make choices that are GOOD for you – because you’re worth that!