Elle Vampa

I know my last post was more than a while ago and even if I had the best of intentions to come back, I simply couldn’t.

The dark colours of my blog and the once-started-as-a-funny-take-on-my-bloopering-through-life-Loser-Theme were eating at me whenever I tried to turn my feet around and make an online comeback.

What also didn’t help was a slumbering (pun intended) feeling of Depression, after having to face another few months of barely sleeping (now you get the pun, right?).

One day, though, tired of feeling utterly fed up with myself, I ended up making a list of all the things I had always wanted to do but kept postponing. That list grew and grew and grew until it became a reminder of everything I postpone but really wish to either start or start again.

Each week since the birth of that list, I’ve picked up something from it and turned its intent into reality.

And so here we are 😊

Last week I finally found the enthusiasm (and the energy!) to clean out my online poppy forest and turn it from a dark, gloomy one into a sunlit, ethereal place, one that invites me to come back more often and leave a few more notes.

Further down, I present a summary of what happened in my absence, before turning any new blog intent into blog content:

• I am doing much better now that my sleep has improved, but I am not yet “there”. Some days I still barely make it through, although these days seem to diminish in appearance;

• I am done seeing my haptonomist, she helped me get in touch with feeling and listening to my body, but it’s time to move on;

• So, I got an appointment with a Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine (natural doctor) to see if my state of being is hormonally influenced after all, or due to something else. My first session is set for June 25th. Fingers crossed!

• I’ve also been seeing my psychologist. She’s had a Freudian Slip (which I think is funny because it’s a psychological thing) in which she let on she believes I might be depressed. However, it feels different from when I was depressed, so I doubt it. But talking to her helps so I’m going to keep on seeing her for now;

• I think I am going through menopause. Or something like it. I took countless self-tests during the past months (Are You Depressed/Bipolar/Manic + Do You Have Borderline/A Midlife Crisis/ADD/ADHD) and the only one that did not give me an “It’s possible yet unlikely”-answer was the one testing for menopause. It simply resulted in a curt “Yes”;

• Realising my hormonal system might be behind all my mental and physical issues (the test ticked all the boxes, including, heyyy: insomnia) strangely helped me feel better instantly. I could finally stop searching for a reason why I’ve been feeling horrible, but, more importantly: I could finally stop blaming myself for it. And focus on finding a way to get better.

I hope you like my new and improved blog as much as I do 😊

Out of the shadows, into the sun!