Elle Vampa

10 Things I Don’t Dare To Tell My Parents

1. I am planning to leave you
I am sure it’s a silent given in my family: me never leaving home. But… I’ve started looking at places to rent. I know you won’t want me to move (please also see #6).
Will not mention until I’ve actually found something, to prevent stress

2. You messed up my love life
You did, unintentionally. But that blockade preventing me from finding love, or even going out to look for it? It’s you. Taking care of you, Mum, ever since I was 14.
I have been giving where I should have been receiving

3. Sometimes I loathe you
There are days on which I wish I had different parents. Nicer ones, more understanding ones. Warmer parents. People who would not always turn everything into a story about themselves.
People who TALK and FEEL and OPEN UP instead of close down

4. You made me lonely
Fighting depression was even harder having to do it on my own. As was surviving my way through everyday bullies supportlessly. I have grown strong, yes, but also independent to a level of sheer loneliness. That’s on you.
I could have used two pairs of shoulders to carry me through, instead of having to grow mine so strong

5. I will never understand you
I don’t speak Dadtch, I hardly speak Mumlish. Sometimes I’d rather YOU didn’t speak at all, because you make no sense!
Why you willingly and continuously fail to understand the difference between BlueTooth and Internet is beyond me. Also, please stop calling every website “Facebook”!

6. I can’t look after you forever
I can’t. I just can’t. So please refrain from referring to me as your “little coffee maker”. I don’t want to be the one making you breakfast until the end of days. It’s not fair.
You have each other. Make each other coffee – and then complain mine was better. That’s fine!

7. I am glad I got you two
We have so many… “extraordinary” individuals colouring our family palette all kinds of rainbow-grey-black-white-and-everything-in between on both sides. But, I’m glad out of all the weirdos you two ended up being mine.
I take back what I said at #3. On all days, I love you

8. I want to be your daughter
With the emphasis on daughter, I want to be your child. Your youngest. And you should let me, because you know I’m the most fun (hey, this is the 10 Things I Don’t Dare To Tell My Parents, not Sisters).
Just love me. That’s all I want.

9. I am terrified to lose you
Please stop growing old. I don’t want you to. I know when you look at me you will always see your little girl, but.. When I look at you I will always see my big, strong, wise parents.
Please don’t ever leave me. I don’t know what to do without you

10. Sorry
I’m sorry your best was not always good enough. I’m sorry not everything you gave me was what I really needed – or wanted. I’m sorry I’m not brave enough to tell you all this in person. And I’m sorry I’m leaving you. Little by little.
But I’ll always be yours. And you’ll always be mine. Thank you for having me ❤