“Dear Universe, please give me an answer to ALL my questions! Show me how to fix everything that’s wrong in my life!!” Here’s what I got in reply, only a day later: No. Just. Say. No. Out of all the issues your favourite Loser Queen is facing, as it turns out, I am allergic to … More 50 Ways To Say NO
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m running out of time. I wonder if this is why I’m running so hard… Working 3 jobs plus taking care of my parents (when they need to, please don’t romanticize me being a full-time caregiver – I am not) is starting to take its toll on me. When I … More Running For Loser
I count my sneezes and make it to 7 – a new personal best! Right after wiping my nose I tap the glass doors of my giant-glass-cage-formerly-known-as-my-gerbils’-imperial-castle. My “very calm and gentle degu brothers”, as the breeder described them, have taken up boxing after I removed their wheel. Ash will not have Diego sit in … More Weekly Loss | Snotty Sneezer
Of all the things I’m ashamed of about myself, living with my parents scores highest on my loser-list. Especially because I strongly believe in the illusion that the second I move out (if ever that day comes) I lose my loserness. (Go read that twice, hah!) Naturally, I understand other failures will then claw their … More Living La Vida Loser
Much like squeezing a lemon for its last drop of juice, I wrangle my brains to come up with another answer for my list of Things I Am Ashamed Of. Honestly: I thought this would be a no-brainer. An easy-to-fill-out-get-an-extra-sheet-of-paper-ready-here-comes-the-self-doubt kind of thing. The surprising truth is I barely made it to 10 items. I … More Shamelessly Surprised
Here’s a few things I am convinced of: Okay, Elle, Loser Queen Extraordinaire (when giving oneself a title, might as well go overboard), hang on! What happened? I ran into an old school mate is what happened. And I am not sure what was worse: that he recognised me immediately from a medium distance; that … More Old Loser On The Block
This weekly loss marks a sad milestone. Since 2015 I have been with pets non-stop, yet this afternoon my last little furry friend passed away. Dorian the grey gerbil (named after Oscar Wilde’s only novel) died in my arms after having lived a long life. A lot of people seem to care only for size … More Weekly Loss | Sad Milestone
People in a relationship can be extremely rude. At the worst times, too. Always when you least expect it and are otherwise engaged. My chef turned out to be a pro at this. He’s in an annoyingly happy relationship with someone he wins penis plushies for at carnivals. Just painting a picture here (you’re welcome … More Loser Like Him?
Once a month I wish I were a man. I know nobody wants to read about lady issues such as *ew* hormonal imbalances and menstruation problems – double ew! But that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. And it doesn’t mean they don’t make me sick on a monthly basis. Or that this has been happening … More Loser Repair Manual
I am standing at the service desk, busy for a change, because the store front is buzzing. There is a lady picking up a parcel to my left. No worries there: my coworker’s got it covered. Another colleague is tapping away at a keyboard to my right, helping a customer she’s got on the phone. … More Weekly Loss | Catching Daylight
Elle Vampa 