“Your cold would explain why your adrenal glands are all over the place,” my Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine looks at me, the expression on her face best described as dumbfounded, “but why your liver is acting up is beyond me.” “What does my liver represent?” As I squeeze the metal handle I give my eyes … More Personal | A-liver And Kicking
I press my right foot down just a little deeper – gently, but steadfastedly. Normally I don’t speed, but this feels like an exceptional situation, so I’m sure it’s allowed if I surpass the speed limit by just a few miles an hour? Although I’ve made it a habit never to rush while actively partaking … More Personal | Rush Hour
Strange how two weeks can change drinking coffee from a normal everyday activity into a milestone. It’s been precisely one week since I’ve witnessed my mother in a hospital bed, chained not to a ball but to an IV drip and with a tube dangling from her nose so a bag can feed her properly. … More Personal | Paper Thin
Jag ser dig I click on the correct English translation and the little green devil owl gives me an elated wink. Dingaling! At least DuoLingo appreciates me… Oh no, Elle, what happened? I feel invisible, that’s what’s happened. Despite that being far from new, it still hurts when people don’t see me. Especially when those … More Personal | Invisible Pains
Dear Elle, You are so much more than “a lose chain”, someone who keeps carrying water to the sea, against better knowledge. You just don’t see it yet. Even on your worst days, you are beautiful. On those days, it’s just excruciatingly difficult to hear anything else than the demons in your head, spewing their … More Personal | Dear Elle Vampa
If you’d ask my younger self what she’d turn out to be at nearly 40 (I need to stop calling myself that; I have more than a year to go before that first digit takes another move upwards), she would never be able to guess reality correctly. My 8-year-old-self (or something close to it) was … More Personal | Childhood Dreams
There, I’ve said it. Out loud. To a stranger: I wish I had a boyfriend. Okay, so 1) technically, my psychologist is not a stranger, but she’s also not a close friend (or any friend for that matter), and 2) I’m not desperate for a boyfriend, I’m just… Lonely. As I have been. For a … More Personal | Unravelling Confessions
If my brains were a SATNAV I’d be lost. Destination unknown – that’s how my electronic voice would startle you: Unclear signs ahead, please hold as I stall. Only then to make you wait in an agonizingly frustrating (and thankfully imaginary) traffic jam; no clue as to why you’re stuck, or how to escape. Or … More Personal | Boxed Love
i want to wake up, get up, be activemove before the dawn is donespread my wings and fly awaybutno ma’amnot today i want to celebrate, party, be merrydance until the day is donethrow my hands up, sing and swaybutno sirnot today i want to hold you, keep you, be yourslove until my life is donelaugh … More Poem & Personal | not today
I’d bite my nails, but they’re fragile already. I’d check the clock again, but that feels impolite. I’d wish the elderly woman would fall asleep so I could send some texts but that desire makes me feel shallow. I wish I knew what was happening! It’s Friday evening and although I’m seemingly all-self-composedly draped on … More Personal | Dear Envy
Elle Vampa 