Much like squeezing a lemon for its last drop of juice, I wrangle my brains to come up with another answer for my list of Things I Am Ashamed Of. Honestly: I thought this would be a no-brainer. An easy-to-fill-out-get-an-extra-sheet-of-paper-ready-here-comes-the-self-doubt kind of thing. The surprising truth is I barely made it to 10 items. I … More Shamelessly Surprised
Have you read any post in which I am not at least slightly panicking? I think not. Today is no different. I feel a little out of place, as I am not yet comfortable at working in a hardware store. Please remember I have zero building-stuff-knowledge. The closest thing I’ve ever come to redecorating was … More Weekly Loss | Amsterdam Vibes
Here’s a few things I am convinced of: Okay, Elle, Loser Queen Extraordinaire (when giving oneself a title, might as well go overboard), hang on! What happened? I ran into an old school mate is what happened. And I am not sure what was worse: that he recognised me immediately from a medium distance; that … More Old Loser On The Block
This weekly loss marks a sad milestone. Since 2015 I have been with pets non-stop, yet this afternoon my last little furry friend passed away. Dorian the grey gerbil (named after Oscar Wilde’s only novel) died in my arms after having lived a long life. A lot of people seem to care only for size … More Weekly Loss | Sad Milestone
It’s Saturday evening, 9pm. And I’m not having a nightmare; I’m living a nightmare. What was supposed to be a smooth ending to a much enjoyed movie night (nothing beats Jason Statham fighting off giant prehistoric sharks and octopi – you’re welcome for the spoil), has turned into pure mayhem. The parking garage is holding … More Weekly Loss | Parking Prisoner
People in a relationship can be extremely rude. At the worst times, too. Always when you least expect it and are otherwise engaged. My chef turned out to be a pro at this. He’s in an annoyingly happy relationship with someone he wins penis plushies for at carnivals. Just painting a picture here (you’re welcome … More Loser Like Him?
Once a month I wish I were a man. I know nobody wants to read about lady issues such as *ew* hormonal imbalances and menstruation problems – double ew! But that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. And it doesn’t mean they don’t make me sick on a monthly basis. Or that this has been happening … More Loser Repair Manual
When I don’t feel all there mentally, I tend to hide that from my family and friends. And myself. Keen to ignore all unhappiness in my life (and body and brains), I avoid all acknowledgement of any discomfort whatsoever. And I am expert at it! Look at me being good at something! My momma must … More An Overwhelming Loss Of Brain
Assumptions will be the death of me, I swear. Well, those and my dad. As it goes in small places (such as where I live), faces become familiar quickly, and before you know it you’ve become a local celebrity. This woman runs a well-visited liquor store with her husband, who fell sick a few years … More Weekly Loss | Death By Assumption
It is a Monday morning and I am caught in a game of ping pong between my computer and phone screens. *ping* No, I can only do Thursdays reads my client’s so-manieth quite short and totally unlike her text. Sh*t, I have no free Thursdays left until the end of August. Which is a fact … More To Lose Or Not To Lose – That’s The Question
Elle Vampa 