bright poppy forest potential poet explores a fairytale life
I count my sneezes and make it to 7 – a new personal best! Right after wiping my nose I tap the glass doors of my giant-glass-cage-formerly-known-as-my-gerbils’-imperial-castle. My “very calm and gentle degu brothers”, as the breeder described them, have taken up boxing after I removed their wheel. Ash will not have Diego sit in … More Weekly Loss | Snotty Sneezer
Of all the things I’m ashamed of about myself, living with my parents scores highest on my loser-list. Especially because I strongly believe in the illusion that the second I move out (if ever that day comes) I lose my loserness. (Go read that twice, hah!) Naturally, I understand other failures will then claw their … More Living La Vida Loser
Dear Elle, We’ve had such lovely contact a while ago and you helped me out greatly with starting up my own business by answering all my questions in what you thought was an innocent interview, but what in fact was a secret sales pitch. Thank you again for your time and politeness! In return, I’d … More Weekly Loss | Sales Shift
Much like squeezing a lemon for its last drop of juice, I wrangle my brains to come up with another answer for my list of Things I Am Ashamed Of. Honestly: I thought this would be a no-brainer. An easy-to-fill-out-get-an-extra-sheet-of-paper-ready-here-comes-the-self-doubt kind of thing. The surprising truth is I barely made it to 10 items. I … More Shamelessly Surprised
Have you read any post in which I am not at least slightly panicking? I think not. Today is no different. I feel a little out of place, as I am not yet comfortable at working in a hardware store. Please remember I have zero building-stuff-knowledge. The closest thing I’ve ever come to redecorating was … More Weekly Loss | Amsterdam Vibes
Here’s a few things I am convinced of: Okay, Elle, Loser Queen Extraordinaire (when giving oneself a title, might as well go overboard), hang on! What happened? I ran into an old school mate is what happened. And I am not sure what was worse: that he recognised me immediately from a medium distance; that … More Old Loser On The Block
This weekly loss marks a sad milestone. Since 2015 I have been with pets non-stop, yet this afternoon my last little furry friend passed away. Dorian the grey gerbil (named after Oscar Wilde’s only novel) died in my arms after having lived a long life. A lot of people seem to care only for size … More Weekly Loss | Sad Milestone
It’s Saturday evening, 9pm. And I’m not having a nightmare; I’m living a nightmare. What was supposed to be a smooth ending to a much enjoyed movie night (nothing beats Jason Statham fighting off giant prehistoric sharks and octopi – you’re welcome for the spoil), has turned into pure mayhem. The parking garage is holding … More Weekly Loss | Parking Prisoner
People in a relationship can be extremely rude. At the worst times, too. Always when you least expect it and are otherwise engaged. My chef turned out to be a pro at this. He’s in an annoyingly happy relationship with someone he wins penis plushies for at carnivals. Just painting a picture here (you’re welcome … More Loser Like Him?
Once a month I wish I were a man. I know nobody wants to read about lady issues such as *ew* hormonal imbalances and menstruation problems – double ew! But that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. And it doesn’t mean they don’t make me sick on a monthly basis. Or that this has been happening … More Loser Repair Manual
Elle Vampa 