Elle Vampa

If my brains were a SATNAV I’d be lost.

Destination unknown – that’s how my electronic voice would startle you: Unclear signs ahead, please hold as I stall.

Only then to make you wait in an agonizingly frustrating (and thankfully imaginary) traffic jam; no clue as to why you’re stuck, or how to escape. Or where to.

It first hits me my internal SATNAV might be a wee bit off as I stuff a third candy bar in my face.

I’ve been so good at not snacking on things non-veggie.

What is going on??

I could blame my hormones again, but a peek at my calendar tells me it’s actually their time to be happy-campery. This almost feels like victim-shaming at this point… Poor hormones!

Something must be amiss, though. Why else would I feast on every off-limit snack I can find??

I munch on my mouthful of chocolate-mixed-with-caramel-and-wafer-and-something-else-crunchy and ponder for a bit. Nothing.

The next day I haul myself to the store to do that one thing I’ve been expertly putting off: buying a birthday card for my niece.

The one I am not allowed to see because Big Sis got a severe case of the cuckoo’s.

I’m not sending the card. That proved pointless in the past (Big Sis returned it, unopened). But, psychologist-advice-driven, I store all signs of love in a box. So that one day she’ll find out I never stopped caring.

I choose the absolute best card (which only takes me twenty-something minutes) and I fill it with scribbles.

There’s been a heavy feeling in my chest all week, but as the first tears trickle down it makes room for a watery smile.

If my brains were a SATNAV I’d be lost.

But thankfully my heart and soul know how to translate sadness into love.

I love you, D. I hope you’ll have a wonderful eleventh ♥