Elle Vampa

Page 132

That what came first, must be honoured by what came after

I prod my maternal grandmother’s photograph up against a pillow on my bed (she was so pretty!), and kneel before it.

The idea is to bow before her, to honour her, to acknowledge her and her role in my life and my family system. Because there’s been a breach in the flow of love and, unfortunately, she plays a huge part in that. Time to stop being cross and start being kind.

And so I exhale, stop my whirlwind of thoughts, close my eyes. Facing my grandmothers image, I bow down until my forehead makes contact with my bedroom floor (that carpet is rough!) and reach my arms forward.

What felt like a silly idea quickly turns into an emotional performance as tears spill in deep love for my ancestor – turning my rough carpet (and heart) damp and soft.

I honour you.

Page 149

You are big and I am small

Your mind may have it figured out, but if your soul doesn’t follow suit it’s all for nothing.

I know my mother tried her best raising me, but I feel her errors as she did so. Like deep scarred lines carved in solid gold.

My mind needs healing because my soul is in pain. I don’t know how to fix this, but my book does (hence the page numbers).

I need to come clean with my mother. I must let her be the big one in our relationship, so I can become the small one – as it should be: she gives, I receive.

Again, with closed eyes and exhaling slowly, I bow my head and silently tell her: I take life from you as you have given it. I will hold it and honour it.

I accept you.

PS: the book that guided this is “My Life, My Work” by Bert Hellinger