if only I had
Elle Vampa
a time machine to go back
and unfool myself
it would
only
collect dust
Okay, so, yes. It’s been a while.
What can I say? I’ve thought about my blog every week (really did!) but I’ve simply been too preoccupied making a fool of myself to write about, well, making a fool of myself.
Here’s a quick little update for you, though, to catch you up to speed in a baffling overwhelming cloud of Odor De Loser:
- I bought a fit watch as a reward for keeping up my workout routine and the mail man delivered it today
The first thing my prize watch told me after I installed it was to “get up and move” (it was quite persistent, too, what with all the buzzing and the loud pinging noises. I’m sure my neighbours wondered what was going on…). - The second thing Prize Watch “casually” mentioned was that the marathon I was supposed to train for is coming up in a lousy mere 22 days
I felt this was a personal attack and have therefore immediately removed fitness reminders from the device.
I am in no shape for a marathon – or in as much shape as I’ll ever be for one, to be honest. How I let my friend talk me into running the “Wine Marathon” is beyond me, but! Stay tuned for some great stories afterwards (I’m sure the wine will be lovely…) - I bought new clothes and ended up prancing around the office for TWO DAYS wearing see-through trousers
Either my mom and sister lied when asked if they could see my underwear as I was trying on my latest blooper, or they are in desperate need of an eye-check. I found out about my horrific stunt because I kept my new-super-comfy-a-wee-bit-disco-fit-amazingly-pair of jeggings on for my dance workout and noticed in the mirror how the colour of the fabric seemed different around my butt-area… Family! Ugh.
- I bought a new old car and am pretty sure I won’t be driving it until I no longer need the air conditioning in it
My current car is old and has zero luxuries. I had a radio/CD player built in when I got it, but that’s about it. For a first car, for someone who hardly drives, it’s perfect!
Now that I work steadier hours and further away, something with a little more options (AIRCO) didn’t sound too bad – especially in this heat wave!
So I researched the corners of the internet for a car that fits my wishes and found a nice second-hand vehicle. It couldn’t have had my name written over it more if the licence plates had actually read ELLE. Just painting a picture here.
The salesman was nice, albeit a bit blunt (“Dear MISTER Elle” he wrote, “Dear MISS Henry” I replied – Henry not being his real name by the way).
We reached an agreement (which reminds me I do have to learn to play poker, considering the baffling discount he was willing to give me and the stunning way I hid my shocked happiness – how DID I remain coolly seated? Nobody knows!) and I was set to pick up my new Elle Mobile this Saturday.
That was until the Garage Man called me and notified me that “Your new car does not pass the mandatory check-up and we had to order new parts from Italy. It will not be ready on Saturday.”
Miss Henry will call me tomorrow to set up a new appointment, but be sure I will grill him over his earlier easy-and-almost-insulted-response to my concern about maintaining a fairly unknown make: “No, that’s not difficult at all, they’re part of the Fiat Company, they have spare car parts lying about in every corner of the world.”
Sure thing, Miss Henry. Just like my new pants are non-see through, ey? 😉
Okay, so this update was not quick and not little. But oh well. I do not apologize in the slightest. Because by now you ought to know better than to think I can keep things short.
Except for that upcoming marathon, maybe.
Elle Vampa 