Elle Vampa

Ingredients:

• One mother
• Two days
• Three hospitals

Recipe For Instant Failure:

• Take an arbitrary week, one that is filled with appointments, work, and more chores than imagination can take you.
  NOTE: do not attempt in a quiet week; recipe will NOT work!
  
  
• Mix ingredients, starting with one mother. The order in which to add remaining ingredients does not matter.
  NOTE: in case main ingredient is missing, replace with random person you hold dear!
  
  
• Dash with a hint of physical annoyance. For instance: a retina deciding to give retirement a go.
  NOTE: physical annoyance must not be mendable without the aid of a specialist, otherwise the three hospitals will fall flat and your recipe will FAIL!
  
  
• This is a CRUCIAL element of the baking process: DO NOT QUESTION WHAT THE DOCTOR’S ASSISTANT SAYS. Be lied to.
  NOTE: This will create frustration, which is needed for the next step!
  
  
• Add stress, worries, and, for a bitter taste, an old man’s bad advice.
  NOTE: old man’s advice is optional, though recommended!

• Refuel any fears you have (especially if they include parking in tight car parks). Stir into mixture.
  NOTE: if you have to park multiple times in multiple parking garages, keep stirring!
  
  
• Prove mixture for what feels like forever.
  NOTE: the longer you wait, the more powerful the failure!
  
  
• Go back to mixture and add secret ingredient
  NOTE: no, I’m not telling!
  
  …
  
  
  
  Okay, it’s gratitude!
  
  
• Stir until you’re ready to burst
  NOTE: hope adds sweetness to the recipe, takes off the bitterness
  
  
• Toss out the odd mixture and tightly hug your mum (or random person you hold dear).
  NOTE: you managed to create a little ray of happiness in the middle of a dark period!
  

Congratulations! You, too, have failed this recipe ❤