In The Shadows Of My Loser Life

Waiting.

Is there any more devastatingly horrendous way to kill time?

As happens so very often in my strange brain, a well-known song immediately kicks in.

I’ve been watching

My phone, my emails and personal texts. I’ve been checking my professional email address and my old skool regular mail. You know, the stuff that comes through the letterbox.

I’ve opened PDF after PDF, webpage after webpage and only Ireland knows exactly how many hits I’ve slung at Google Maps, trying to figure stuff out.

I’ve been waiting

For a callback, the undeniable release in the final phase of my job application. Will I get the promotion? Will I finally be working in an office, with office hours and office pay?

For heaven’s sake, if you say you’ll call me at “the beginning of next week,” at least have the decency to call me at the beginning of said week.

*sigh*

I’m also waiting for a sign from my nephew and niece. Strangely, I’ve seemed to stop caring how my sister is doing, her being an adult and all (despite behaving like a child). Anyway, I just want to hear something from them. Know they’re okay, happy, healthy, everything.

Over a year ago now (for still unknown reasons), my sister decided to break with her entire family. Which is fine (well, not really), that’s her decision. But… I miss my nephew and niece. A LOT. I just… Want some sign. That’s all. Even a scribble in my mailbox will do.

Lastly, for a break. I NEED A BREAK! And more than an-away-time-from-work kind of thing. A real break. A Universe-granted, personal, deep and spiritual break.

That whole Murder Mystery weekend without my friend? Okay, so I emailed 44 strangers. And 6 replied (not kidding). 2 invited me along for a ride (fun pun, but take this one literal please).

So the good news is I no longer have to travel there alone. And bonus: it’s not just me and one totally strange man; it’s me, him, and another (totally strange) woman.

(Read: if he turns out to be a psychopath – what with this being a Murder Mystery weekend and all I am not completely ruling this out – at least he’s outnumbered.)

I’ve been searching

Better news even, is that I won’t have to navigate through the dark, in foreign, unknown territory. Yay.

I just… I want to fit in. For one. And I want to have fun, for seconds. And make new friends, maybe even find someone I’d like to be more than friends with (although that is asking for a miracle, I know).

Dear Universe. You work in mysterious ways.

But please help me put all the bits and pieces together. To make it whole.