Elle Vampa

“Dear Universe, please give me an answer to ALL my questions! Show me how to fix everything that’s wrong in my life!!”

Here’s what I got in reply, only a day later:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNHGODYIfEE

No.

Just. Say. No.

Out of all the issues your favourite Loser Queen is facing, as it turns out, I am allergic to disappointing others. And as I’ve written in this post, as it turns out, this means I fail to put myself in the top priority number one golden position that I deserve to be in for myself.

After watching this video (and wiping the tears of laughter from my face), I realized the Universe is right – as usual.

All I have to do to fix my most pressing contemporary issues, is say no. No to the people I clean for. No to the man who assumes I can always and forever take care of his wife when he needs me to. And no to the crazy guy at work I’ll be writing a post about later this week.

It’s just… Why is it so hard? Why is it almost keeping me up at night? (I have new vitamins and I swear every night I sleep like a comatose baby – on roses.) Why is it making my stomach ache and my neck prickle?

All I have to do is say no. It surely can’t be that hard? How come it feels like a mountain I have to climb?

Coming Wednesday and Friday I’ll see my cleaning clients again and even though I was unsuccessful before in quitting this job, I am going to stand my ground and say no to all their arguments.

And because I am NOT looking forward to coming Wednesday and Friday and these dates have started to turn into hurdles that seem to grow bigger every time I think about them (which I do a lot), I am going to sprinkle some humour over it all and ease myself into uttering this short word by giving myself (and you) multiple options to choose from.

To use as pleased:

NO I won’t keep on cleaning

NEE I am not going to let you persuade me to stay

NEJ I won’t use up any more free days from my part time job so I can work for you

NEIN I am not giving up on my dreams so I can take care of you better

NON Je ne regrette rien (I hope)

NEI I am not going to put your needs before mine

NEEN Your responsibilities aren’t mine to carry

NE I don’t want to feel like this much longer. I matter, too

EI My time is mine to share, not yours to take

NJET I don’t want to disappoint you, but I need to choose me first

No, I don’t look forward to these conversations.

But yes, I do look forward to what comes after: the real answer to all my questions.

Peace of mind.