Elle Vampa

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m running out of time.

I wonder if this is why I’m running so hard…

Working 3 jobs plus taking care of my parents (when they need to, please don’t romanticize me being a full-time caregiver – I am not) is starting to take its toll on me.

When I started my part-time financial life saving job in a hardware store, I thought I’d quit my old job as a cleaning lady.

But what started off as a compliment (I can’t miss YOU, Elle! I don’t want anyone else!) has soon proven to be a nuisance, really.

Top that off with a handful of people still interested in my work as a coach, and you have it: 3 jobs and family maintenance eating up my time.

It feels like everyone wants a piece of me (and I am suddenly stuck in a Britney Spears song) and I don’t know how to say no.

I want to please everyone, make all human beings in my near surroundings happy and content.

I don’t want to (UGH!) disappoint anyone.

My cleaning clients are so nice, how am I going to let them down? It’s only a few hours a week. Plus those extra hours taking care of the lady with Alzheimer’s. Plus the extra time thoroughly cleaning someone’s floor tiles – one by one with degreaser (what the BLEEP did she spill on them??).

Then my coaching clients are what I live for. Well, sort of. I’d love to have a successful business and I can’t do that without clients, now can I? I need to make this work! So I cannot possibly say no to them. Even if it means squeezing a few in each week, again and again, dancing around my crazy schedules, taking time away from taking time off for myself to meet their needs.

And my new job ought to have priority, surely? I mean, they’re paying me most, so it only sounds fair they see me most. Even if that means working on the mornings I’ve asked them to keep me off so I can be with clients, or forgo my weekly swim so I won’t be late coming in just before lunch. And when coworkers get sick or make mistakes in their schedules, it’s only right for me to step in and save the day, right? I mean, how can I say no when they ask?

How can I say no to anyone?

…

I am going to have to, though. Because I am getting exhausted.

I’ve been making stupid mistakes left and right, only because my head wasn’t in the moment and I lacked focus.

And I am so, SO tired!

When I think of all the things I want to do, but can’t for lack of time, I only want to cry. I am disappointing myself, which is even worse than letting other people down.

It’s time to choose me now. And to stop running so hard.