Elle Vampa

Once a month I wish I were a man.

I know nobody wants to read about lady issues such as *ew* hormonal imbalances and menstruation problems – double ew!

But that doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

And it doesn’t mean they don’t make me sick on a monthly basis. Or that this has been happening for, oh, I don’t know. Over 20 years!

20+ long years of feeling sick, unheard, ashamed, and desperate.

Not to mention the countless times I tried to battle this part of myself and lost. So add to that a massive part of my chronic loserness.

I mean, how am I supposed to get my life in check if I can’t even get my own body to work properly?

But I am over this. Today I will break this taboo and will talk about the main physical issue that’s been bothering me for more than half my life.

Get that lid off the jar and let it all out.

Because I am a woman. In a woman’s body.

And once a month my hormones drive me insane – literally, because I get paranoid and depressed. You see, there’s oestrogen increasing and not enough progesterone to balance it out, leaving me at war with myself.

I have seen countless doctors about my issues. The first five (including three gynaecologists who were supposed to know better) prescribed hormonal sh*t.

Which, I now know, translates to: “Just shut up, stupid woman.”

The last two, including someone “specialised in menstruation problems” told me: “It is all in your head. Go talk to someone about it.”

I am not sure what’s worse: to be sent home with a toxic treatment to silence you or be left alone with nothing more but a URL for an online psychologist.

(Yes, that really happened.)

It broke my spirits but even more so my belief in “regular” medicine. So I stopped seeing any doctors about it. What’s the point if no one listens anyway?

I tried different things, such as a homeopathic diet (helped a little), natural supplements (helped beat symptoms, did not cure), and acupuncture (helped a little, yet no magical healing occurred).

Even if I no longer get as sick as I used to, I am still not a happy woman all month round.

Which is why today rings in another battle: zinc versus curcuma.

The Period Repair Manual by Lara Briden says zinc first, curcuma later. But if I consume too much zinc for too long a time, I could get sick.

And I am sick of getting sick.

I have the deepest sigh thus far and click order now. Ten seconds later, my phone pings to let me know my hopefully-this-time-healing-for-real-curcuma is on its way.

Maybe I should have gone zinc first. Perhaps this is another loser-moment in my life I will regret in 100 days (read the manual if you wonder “why 100?”).

On the other hand… I’ve never taken myself this seriously before. I call that a win!

As well as an example to any doctor I’ve ever had.

Because I deserve to be heard, seen, and healthy.

Loser be gone! This time I am going to win.

…

I hope.